Pause. Rewind. Play.

It is way past midnight. I should have been asleep hours ago. But the mind is turbulent. I can almost hear the whirring and creaking inside my head. After two hours of tossing and turning in bed, I decide to listen to music. Music. My ultimate healer. Put on your headphones, cut yourself off from the world, and immerse yourself in a luxurious blend of music, lyrics and vocals.

There are some songs I love to listen to on the loop. And for some reason I am addicted to the song from Tamasha– ‘Agar tum saath ho‘. I am in love with Alka Yagnik’s vocals. Not so much with Arijit’s. As Alka almost reads my mind and croons “Baithi baithi bhaagi phiroon“, my mind wanders to the past.

I find my thoughts rewinding to the past.  I’m thinking of the hugs I craved to receive, but didn’t know how to ask.  Then, I didn’t realize how simple it was. I could have easily given them a hug instead of waiting for it.  “Meri taraf aata har gham phisal jaye, agar tum saath ho“. But it is too late now. Those people aren’t around any longer. The first call of the morning which I will always wait for will never arrive.

Bin bole baatein tum se karoon“. I’m thinking of the words which were left unsaid. And of words which should have never been said. I’m mourning the loss of trust, when a little girl’s voice was not heard. Trust which could never be restored in this lifetime. “Dil yeh sambhal jaye, agar tum saath ho“. So many pleas for help which went unheard. ‘Tere sapnon mein hai naaraazi“.

Arijit sings “Mujhe lagta hai baatein dil ki , hoti lafzon ki dhokebaazi“.  Can life be played back, just I am listening to the same song again and again? Can I erase something from the past? Unfortunately life cannot rewind to the past. “Bedard thi, zindagi bedard hai.” The familiar strains will continue to play on. We must learn to build on the same tune, and recreate your own music.

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